Saint Patrick's Day Scene with Faye Regan and Dane Cross

Holy crap, I can't believe I haven't posted anything to this in three friggin' months.

I blame my investment in a Real Touch [review coming, Spoiler: Woahmygod].

Well, also in full disclosure, I started to doubt my ability to do this. I still kinda do. Reviewing things is harder than I expected, and reviewing the non-humpy scenes of porn is even harder. But I will not give up that easily. I found the Blogger app for my phone [review not coming, spoiler: sidekick 4g. better than g1]. So in theory I will start posting things, maybe not even talking in porn things, but just things, on this. Might be fun...

But for now, Let me dust off the cobwebs from this started review of a scene Faye Regan and Dane Cross did for Brazzers.

I don't actually have a title for it, or which of the Brazzers sites hosted it. Huzzah for flying blind!

Oh Faye Regan... How I wish I could love thee. She has so many of the qualities that I love, physically, in a woman. She is a natural ginger, she is ink free, she has those perfect boobs for a sexy LBD, with great legs to stick out of them. But then she opens her mouth... And not just to put a cock into... She always has this attitude of either "I'm too good for this." or "duhhh... what's a penis?" She goes through phases where the only male talent she'll work with is her long time boyfriend (and co-star in this little masturpiece). And something just rubs me the wrong way with her.

Now Dane Cross... ...Yeah, after following him on twitter, I kinda want to slap him in the dick. He's a winier.... He is one of the new crop of good lookin' guys in porn... except when he has his chin strap... but no one looks good with a chin strap.

On with the plot!

We open on Faye becoming annoyed that she has to wear a green dress for her uniform for a new job. The camera fades out and back in on her dressed in it. Damn her for having a job!

She stepped out to her new job which is at what may be the worst bar ever. To give you a mental image, think of a house built in the US in the mid 80's. All white, and gold trim, and glass. Now make that a bar in someone's house. This scene demands that we view this as an authentic Irish pub. Dane works as the bartender and this isn't just any day at an irish pub, it's St. Patrick's Day.

Because this pub is clearly in a house, looks like it was built in the mid 80's, and NOT an awesome Irish pub, it is dead on Faye's first day on the job. There is only one patrian, and he is already sloshed.

Once the guy (that we know Faye won't bang) leaves for the other bar, Dane and Faye get "drunk" on what is either absinthe, or green coolade.

And then the humping.

So really this wasn't as much about me reviewing some vaguely unknown scene, as it was me ranting about my annoyances with Dane Cross and Faye Regan... But I'll leave you with this link to a video they were a part of. It are funny. That makes up for it, right?

BangBus 34

I swore to myself when I started this silly thing that I would write at least one post to try and deconstruct what the hell happens in a bangbus video. So here it goes...

uuuugggghhhh...... do I have to? really? I mean, I realize that no one but myself is forcing me to do this, but still.... gah... Ok, time for me to put on my professionalism hat on.

The bangbus series is what most would consider the daddy of reality porn. Reality porn is a form of pornography that has no script, and the performers are aware of the camera the entire time. In the form that it currently remains, I am not a fan of reality porn. Porn starts aren't typically known for their improv skills. (side note: Stoya has been training in an improv class as of the writing of this). This is different from POV. POV [Point Of View] is filmed under the illusion that the male talent is the person at home watching it.

But bangbus... here is the basic premise of bangbus. Three dudes drive around in a van with limo tinting on the windows, so no one, no matter how hard they try, can see in. In essance, to the outside world, they are driving around in a windowless van. The van rolls up on "random" hot women just walking down the streets of Flordia without mace, or even a rape whistle. They are offered cash to get in the rape van to "just talk." Then the humping (eventually) begins. Everyone has an orgasm. and the girl is tricked into getting out of the van for just a moment, and the van speeds off without paying, and often without letting the girl get the rest of her clothes.

Oh the halarity! Aren't women dumb?! They really are nothing more than holes for men to thrust their superior sex organs into until orgasm. ha ha ha ha ha. har har har. This is the message sent by the bangbus, and I want to know the persons that this appealed to enough to spawn an entire empire of reality porn. Then I want to punch them with a knife.

-----Several weeks, maybe even a month later-----

Yeah, I still can't write anything past how much I hate the bangbus. In fact, I deleted my copy of BB 34 off my hard drive to make space for something else. I think it was non-porn related.

I think I'll sum it all up the same why I've described it to others. Bang Bus is creepy rape fantasy porn that is more creepy and rapey than actual rape fantasy porn because it adds a level of "women are stupid" coercion to the video that pushes back womens' rights about 20 years.