Hmm... Where do I stand? Oh yeah, Pro-Addams. So I was very excited to see an Adams Family porn parody. I thought that it could be a great experience.
To those that are wrong, a little bit about The Addams Family. They were originally a comic series by artist Charles Addams. I'm going to save some time and assume that you are either someone who knows enough about the series that I don't have to talk about the characters, or too much of the history. Instead, I will bore you with what I saw in the Addams. (side note: I didn't know until just now that there was a Broadway play. Yes I've downloaded the soundtrack just now.)
The Addams family was one of proud people that were just not involved in our world. They liked their world, it made sense to them. And for the most part, people knew to just leave them alone. Why I preferred the Addams to the Munsters was that the Addams were happy in their place, and to a small part I think they even kinda knew how they didn't fit in, but it didn't matter. They were happy. The Munsters plots always seemed to revolve around "why don't we fit in?" Story arches.
The Addams arches were always a little more off. I liked that. And with the adult parody I thought for sure that it would be as off as the series, and maybe dip a toe or two into the more unusual or even slightly squidgy fetishes. Because this is pornography, and ergo fantasy, there are all sorts of things that could've been touched, or even indulged in. Anyone who has seen two episodes of The Addams Family knows that they have a bdsm dungeon and there has been a history of incest within. To put either or those things, or anything else: dendrophilia, role play, Sitophilia, anything! I was excited at the concept!
I was very, very, wrong. The Addams Family XXX is just a plain insult. I should quickly point out that this all takes place more in the Addams Family Movies and rebooted tv series universe than the original. Plot wise is pretty standard fare for any parody where there are key roles played by kids in the non porn version. Magically they've aged to 18, and everyone else hasn't. But in a simple form, Wednesday and Pugsley have turned 18, and have been accepted to college. It is up to Gomez and Morticia to show them the ropes of sex. ...blah....
Casting was pretty average. I would say that the choice of Evan Stone for Gomez was a good one, but he always does his best. I hadn't seen the guy who plays Lurch before, but as he is uncut, I'm going to guess he is on loan from Europe. Everyone else was a very sub par choice. Most people chose to play their role as a mumbling robot. It was almost as if no one had ever seen an episode before.
The sets were clearly some person's house. This couldn't have looked more low budget if it tried. It was a joke. The arboretum was clearly a bedroom, with accordion fold closet doors clearly in view.
The second worst thing about this morning after mistake was the costuming. Poor Evan was thrown into an ill-fitting costume that was about 7 sizes too big and looked more like a very low end Halloween costume. He did have a nice dress shirt, and I will give him that. India Summer wore... a thing... It was a fishnet like body suit, with an LBD, I guess? It didn't make any sense, and for some reason she still walked like Morticia. Seth Gamble's costume was easy, I mean, who can't come up with a black and white stripped top? Barry Scott played Uncle Fester, and he was also a victim. He was forced to wear a Halloween monk robe.
The worst thing about this, and what made me rage quit was a line given by Amber Rayne. She plays an escort, paid to take Pugsley's virginity. She gives this WONDERFUL speech about the most important things in sex. Always respect your partner, always ask and communicate, and unless you have been tested, and can trust your partner always wear a condom. It was perhaps the best moment for safe sex I had ever seen in the adult indrusty. Amber played it with such a happy positive vibe that I got excited, and then the next words exited her yap, and I was done. She then went on to say that because she was a working girl she was regularly tested, and had just come up clean. And [here comes the rage from me] as a virgin Pugsley didn't have anything, so they didn't need to worry about the pack of condoms Thing just displayed.
At that moment, this parody went from a meh cash in to an insult. I don't care what the rest of the film holds, I will not be finishing it.
Boo to you Exquisite Films. On behalf of every Addams Family fan, I say Boo.
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