The other day my coworker asked me why I love porn so much. I have always had problems answering the question of why I love something. I don't think words like "why" should be involved in the concept of love. Can anyone truly explain why they love something or someone?

Think about your favorite movie. Why is it your favorite movie? My ex, I'll call her Ellie because that's her name, once told me that her favorite movie was The Lion In Winter. Now this is a classic film based on a Broadway play (that yes, was and adaption of yet another play) that tells the story of Christmas 1183 at Henry Plantagenet's chateau and primary residence in Chinon, Anjou. And a lot of stuff happens. Here, I'll give you the link to the IMDB here, and the Wiki here.

I never asked her WHY it was her favorite film for two reasons the first I slightly mentioned, and will go into more detail later, and the second because she explained why in detailing the awards it won, the cast, the time frame slash historical accuracy, and all other analitical details. But it never really touched the core of WHY. Why did she love it? Even though I can't fully explain (partly because I'm not her, and partly because I don't want her to read this and the yell at me for getting everything wrong AFTER using her name) I can take a few guesses. Ellie is a bit of an English history nut. Hell, she's a bit of an Anglophile. While there is that surface connection between her love of British history, and the joy of a well made film, I have a hunch that it also has to do with how she saw it the first time, and the closeness of her family. She comes from good folk, very smart, very good folk. I don't know, I forgot how she first saw it.

Now my favorite movie is this tiny low budget indie flick called UltraChrist! (here and here). I'll give you a moment to click on the links, as I'm sure you've never seen this thing. ...Done? good. Moving on. There is nothing that I can say about the writing, or the effects. The acting is terrible, it has never and will never win any kind of award. You know what, I don't care. I love this movie simply because I do. It makes me laugh at the jokes. I always feel good when I watch it.

The point I'm trying to make is that what makes one person enjoy one thing, another may not. The why in the question "why do you love porn" is completely irrelevant. The closest reasons I can come up with (besides "because I do") is that it is the purist proof that the first amendment of the U.S. Constitution works to this day. Porn is hated by many and still thrives. It thumbs its nose at every person and says "If you have the right to complain about me, I have the right to be here to be complained about."

And yes, the lizard part of my brain goes "it's hot people fucking!"

It should be clear at this point that I am not qualified to review anything. But I feel this great need inside me to tell you about some of the great performances in Adult Cinema, Pornography, and good ol' dirty pictures. This creates a problem. I'm not you. Or you. Or you in the office, by the way your fly is down. I don't know what arouses you. Sure, I could tell you how the amazing scene in Stoya: Atomic Tease, where Stoya and Jenna Haze are in a three-way with Danny Mountain was super hot. But if you're not a Stoya fan, well first off you're wrong, and secondly how would that convince you to watch the scene?

Now if I tell you that the movie Stoya: Atomic Tease is a plot-less hump-fest that has costuming and sets designed straight out the 1950's, all the costumes are inspired by that era (if not straight from them), and that in a spot of quality casting the amount of tattoos on the performers is minimal to keep you engaged in the fantasy of the era being played out in front of you, would that be something that might peek your your interest?

There is my calling. To explain and review porn not from the point of the humping, but from all the other parts.  I'll talk about the acting, the script, all the stuff that you skip through while trying to get to "the good stuff."

This is The Bits You Skipped.