This Ain't Lady Gaga: A XXX Parody

Its pretty well accepted that Hustler tries their damnest to talk big names into doing porn with them. Sarah Palin was offered [a lot, actual numbers weren't found] to pose. Recently, Casey Anthony was offered $500,000 to pose. At the time of this writing, I can not find the amount offered to Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, aka Lady Gaga, to pose, but it clearly wasn't enough.

Now here is where I need to rant about Hustler videos. I have yet to see a Hustler film that was worth my time. When I watch a plotless [gonzo] film from them, something seems off. At first I think it's the lighting. I [would've] paid $24.99 US [if I hadn't illegally downloaded it] for this crap. For the money, they could've invested in a second light. Then I realize what it is, all the women are so blasted on a cocktail of pills, snortables, smokables, and drinkables that they have no idea what is going on.

If I watch one of their features, the plot is lacking, the acting is what makes the jokes about acting in porn not funny, and again the women just don't care.

In both, the issue of direction is truly weak. There is a reason why Hustler films aren't as high quality as other companies. All the good directors have little to do with Hustler. Hustler seems to be more of a starting ground for directors.

Now here is one of my biggest problems with Hustler. If they approach someone about being in one of their shoots/features unless they agree they will be shown in the most negative light possible. When Sarah Palin turned them down, Hustler came out with the feature "Who's Nailin' Palin?" A truly offensive pile that almost made anyone who wasn't a fan of Palin feel bad for her. Their defense for this was that it was satire. I suspose it was, if you think that the Scary Movie franchiese is the height of satire, then it is totally satire.

Satire:–noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing,denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2.a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human follyand vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.

Yeah, I'm not seeing "referencing statements or events without context" listed in the dictionary. But that is what Hustler does. A lot. My previous posting, where I gushed about Pop Porn gives me some liberty to judge what is funny in people humping. They use satire properly. Wait for my Revenge of the Nerds A Porno Parody to example properly. ...That statement couldn't have come out more awkwardly...

This Ain't Lady Gaga is the second This Ain't [insert celebrity with standards too high to make sucky-fucky with us] feature I've sat through, and I have to admit, it is the worst. Trailer ahoy!

--Amendment: I recently re-watched what I thought was a Katy Perry porno parody. It is not Hustler, and still far superior. I apologize for the confusion.

Lady Gaga (played by Helly Mae) is far too well built physically for a Gaga look alike. Someone like a Lexi Belle or Kelli Wells (I would vote Kelli over Lexi, but you should always give at least two options) would have played the look better. And given that Hustler doesn't care as much about the acting performances, someone like Kelli (not known for very high quality scenes) could use a break out chance. Helly plays Gaga like an entitled trust fund baby at first, but then flips into some kind of lisping southern Californian sounding creature. 

I know I said that this blog won't review the humping, but I have to add a side note, STOP SHOWING ME RON JEREMY'S COCK! He is too old to be still fucking on screen.

To sum up, this feature has all the typical problems of any Hustler production: Bad acting, weak plot, bad lighting, random change of voice (Starts off as a drama, then goes into documentary), Ron Jeremy's cock, and at the end a feeling of "well, that happened... I guess." The positives (which I am adding after posting, which I don't like to do, but this whole thing seemed so angry, and needed some posi) is the music parody lyrics are kinda funny. Take the instruments for any Gaga hit, and change them to being about prostitution and doing porn. Sing those at the top of your lungs the next time one of her songs is on the radio. 

I'd skip this one, if I were you. But... If I were you, I wouldn't be me, and wouldn't know to skip this... because it never would've been written... I need to lie down now. My brain hurts.